Becky's Story

Becky's Story

I am writing this from my whole family in an effort to impart 3 lessons we learned recently through the tragic loss of one of our own.

Her name was Becky, and she was 48 years old (just) and she passed suddenly on March 28th, leaving our family reeling and in shock.  Officially, she had been diagnosed with a large ovarian growth / cyst and was scheduled for surgery 7 days after the day she passed.  Becky was 4 years older than my wife and they grew up in the same house……… siblings in reality, cousins in fact.  My wife has a sister and Becky had a brother, and the 4 of them grew up as brother and sisters.  The loss was something I had never experienced in my family to this day and was devastating to watch and be a part of.

Becky was the life of the party.  One of the biggest Tragically Hip fans on the planet and a lover of live music and movies.  She had been a lawyer but discovered that ‘lawyering’ on Bay Street was not her thing………so she tried a new gig – in the Cayman Islands.  She did that for over 7 years at which time she legally had to come home.

She started a new life and lived with me and my wife for a while until she found a new job at a local university and was able to settle on her own in a nice town house by the lake.  She loved her job, and as we found out, had MANY friends and coworkers who loved her.  She still had a group of friends from high school, lawyer days, Cayman…………. literally hundreds of friends.  Every one of them devastated at the news as many of them had not even been made aware of the fact that she was sick.

Officially, the belief is that there was a rupture that caused blood clots to go into her lungs, causing a pulmonary embolism, which resulted in a heart attack.  This is where our story imparts the 3 lessons which I feel I MUST share with you.

Get your health testing and age-related testing done, don’t put it off. Ladies, men, all need testing as we age, please don’t put it off…….it literally can save your life.

ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF. Becky’s original growth was 17cm in diameter.  In the span of less than 6 weeks it grew to 24cm in diameter.  Massive by any account and there were assumptions that it would be cancerous.  The mission was to remove it all (full hysterectomy) and test it later.

Becky had trouble breathing on Friday, March 25th and she called the Oncology nurse she has been assigned and told her of the issue.  The feedback was that she was likely just suffering from anxiety (she did suffer from anxiety) and to not worry.

This was a mistake, clearly.  You need to push harder and advocate for yourself or your loved one if you think something is not right.  By Saturday the breathing was worse……she should have gone to the hospital, but with an appointment already booked for Monday for pre-operative preparation, she waited.  Monday morning at 6:15 she was worse and called 911.  By the time they arrived, she was gone.  DON’T WAIT WHEN YOU BELIEVE SOMETHING IS WRONG.

Please, please, please take the time to ensure you have a will prepared. A living will, a final will along with any other trusts required to settle your affairs.  We have not found a will to this day, so getting things settled will take a long time and is an emotional nightmare for her mother who is dealing with it.  Everything is harder to do and more complicated without a proper will.  Please do this for those you leave behind and do it now, so other people are not making decisions for you that you may or may not agree with.

We will never completely recover from this loss.  I take some comfort if any of the lessons learned can help even one person.  One quote used from the Hip song “World Container” says “How’d it get so late so early?”  Don’t wait for tomorrow.

Written by Mark N.